The Exile

Iraq is not Vietnam. You can tell that because they speak fucking Arabic in Iraq and Vietnamese in Vietnam. Easy, really, so it didn't need this dreary list to teach us something that we already knew.

However, in one crucial aspect, Iraq is Vietnam. Both countries suffered a war of aggression that was waged against them by the United States and her allies. Support for Iraq today - and Vietnam 40 years ago - involves standing up for that basic principle of non-aggression, and that basic socialist principle of opposition to imperialist expansion.

In another crucial aspect, Iraq is more important than Vietnam. A generation ago the world was divided up into sovereign states, each with its own national economy. Today, led by the USA, national borders are increasingly becoming nothing more than lines on a map, with goods, services and people moving more or less freely across those lines.

As socialists, our aim is obviously to create a better tomorrow for our children, but equally obviously it is to destroy capitalism. We cannot have the one without the other, and the destruction bit has to come first.

The fact that the Iraqi guerrillas are not Fidel Castro Ruz and his men is neither here nor there. They fight for their own values, and those values are not ours, but they also fight, indirectly, for the end of globalised capitalism. In that sense, their war is our war, because they are fighting for us.

If the United States is thoroughly, comprehensively and totally defeated in Iraq, then there is the possibility that she may withdraw into isolationism. If that happens, then a large part of our war will have been won for us.

Now these are all very big ifs, but such an outcome is conceivable. If it happens, if those ragged heroes in Iraq do manage to stop the forward march of globalisation, then the British political class is likewise likely to find itself discredited by the process of defeat. People will be asking questions, and will not be looking to that class for answers.

We need to be ready. The left needs to get its act together and decide on a programme that will take Britain forward. We did it in the 1930s and early 1940s - we were ready for when the time came in 1945. We have to be ready again.

It had to happen sooner or later: NuLab playing the national interest card, I mean. Yesterday, David Milliband, the Foreign Secretary, announced that Britain's retreat from the failed adventure in Iraq would be made independently of the USA and purely in the "British national interest".

Who does he think he is kidding? This lot wouldn't recognise Britain's national interest if it came along, grabbed them by the balls, and announced, "Hello, I'm the national fucking interest."

Remember, NuLab is the party that gave a foreign policy diktat to an ambassador to "get up the arse of the White House and stay there".

No, they will retreat from Iraq when they can no longer justify even to themselves the costs of remaining there any longer. After they have told their master in Washington that they can no longer stand the strain, and got his permission, of course.

Last week The Exile was running quite a few sponsored postings, and quite a few people were getting cheesed off with them.

In future most of them will be found at The Money Blog, but have you ever wondered what their attraction is to advertisers? Here's a clue: they have nothing to do with getting you to read them!

Are you baffled? Then click on the link and the secret of the sponsored postings will be revealed.

Does Juba, the Baghdad Sniper, really exist, or is he just a figment of the American soldiers' imagination, as they cower in Iraq, trying to survive?

The Americans are certainly trying to play down the Juba story, by claiming that he is nothing more than an internet myth. However, many of the soldiers are not convinced and are keeping their heads down. Certainly there are quite a few videos on the web that purport to show the man in action.

He was The Exile's Man of the Year in 2005, and by the end of 2006 he had his own blog and website. However, since then stories of Juba have pretty much dried up.

So, was he killed? Is he busy training other Iraqis to defend their country against the American aggressors - or did he never exist in the first place?

I have no answer to those questions, but what I do know is that fully 15% of the visitors to this blog arrive here as a result of a search for Juba.

Man or myth, alive or dead, Juba still holds his place in the popular imagination.

Wake up, people, and smell the fear. The fear of the warmongers as they wake up to the fact that their Iraqi dream is over and their British nightmare is about to begin. The aim was to rape Iraq, to turn it into a puppet of western capitalism that would open its doors to foreign corporate pillage, recognise Israel and act at a base for further Anglo-American aggression in the region. How quickly the dreams faded when faced with those brave young men with their AK-47 rifles, their roadside bombs and their sheer, matchless courage. A courage that took on the mightiest war machine that the world has ever seen, and fought it to a bloody standstill.

Faced with this terrible reality a group of webmongers decided to save face with one victory. Something that they could point to and say, "Well, at least we were able to do this." The fact that over 160 British soldiers are dead, hundreds more injured and the rest huddled in Basra airport praying for the final order to leave Iraq, doesn't enter their minds. All that matters is having something to point to; something that they can call a victory. Something to save face.

That something is, of course, the 20,000 Iraqi collaborators that these webmongers want to bring over to the United Kingdom. It must have seemed like the answer to their sad, pathetic prayers: the end of the Iraqi adventure, but with the smug satisfaction that would come the day they stood at Heathrow Airport and welcomed over the first batch of collaborators to Britain. The fact that the British army would still be fighting in Iraq never entered their minds. British soldiers are cut from the same cloth as the rest of the working class that these creatures despise, so let them stay and bleed in the sands of Mesopotamia.

Unfortunately, their little wheeze ran into problems. Not just because two men, myself and the journalist Neil Clark, began to write in opposition to the whole lunatic idea, but because they found that MPs were not exactly lining up to be counted. The only newspaper that took up the collaborators' case was The Times. How right and proper it was that The Times, a rag written by scabs, printed by scabs and read by scabs should take up the call for these Iraqi scabs.

A few days ago I learned that some of the local, evening newspapers had taken up the story and that people had begun to write to their letters' pages opposing the entry of these collaborators. That for me was the end of the story, because there was nothing more that I could do. I began to think about other, more important, things. Starting my new blog to take the sponsored postings. Going fishing. Important matters like that.

Yesterday something happened that made me realise just how desperate the webmongers have become. This puerile rant was posted at Harry's Place, probably as a last throw of the dice to try and influence public opinion. The basic thrust - or fast hand movement, since the writer does come over as being addicted to Onanism - is to smear myself and Neil. "Look how nasty they are," the webmonger seems to scream. "So let's bring over 20,00 harkis and show everyone how decent we are." A cursory reading of the text will demonstrate that no mention is made of the 5,500 British soldiers who are still trying to survive Iraq; presumably the writer just does not think that they are all that important.

Why I have I called this post desperate? Well, it would not have been written had things been going the webmongers' way, now would it? They would be patting themselves on the back and feeling all warm inside. The fact that one of them felt the need to scream in such a precious way, only further strengthens the case that these 'mongers feel that their one and only victory is sliding out of their grasp.

Aside from this, the hysteria with which the post was so obviously composed, betrays the writer's true feeling towards the British working class. He quotes my own words, when I argued that these collaborators would take council houses and jobs. To him that is proof of my rightist tendencies. To me it is evidence that this creature belongs to the ranks of that new kulak substrata of teachers, social workers and council managers who all together make the lives of working class people so difficult. Like the kulaks of old, they are close enough to us that we treat them with contempt as the the two-legged cockroaches that they are.

People might want to think about that, and then get out pen and paper and start writing letters to newspapers and MPs.

So, will it work, this desperate throw of the dice? I don't think so. I think that matters will be allowed to drift, with maybe a few token harkis brought over as a sop to hand-wringing opinion. The rest will be left to take their chances. That is how it should be, because the harkis are not our problem, and Iraq is not our war.

It's your problem, webmongers. Your problem, your harkis and your lost war!

A friend of mine has a Mac computer and is always complaining that mac games are hard to find. I think I'll send him this link to macgamesandmore.com, just to keep him quiet.

One of the most popular downloads with the mac brigade is smack solitaire, a collection of 30 different types of mac solitaire games in one package. If you don't want to spend any money, the site has a good selection of free mac games, just waiting to be downloaded.

PC users are not left out in the cold, as many of these games are available in both PC and Mac versions.

The grand old man, Fidel Castro Ruz, seems to be recovering from the bout of intestinal illness that forced him to hand over power in July of last year. This will annoy the exiles in Miami no end. In Spanish they are dismissed contemptuously as los gusanos (the maggots), but they are taken seriously as an electoral force in the USA. However, as far as internal Cuban politics are concerned, all they do is howl impotently.

The 1st January 2009 will mark the 50th anniversary of the triumph of the Cuban Revolution. Wouldn't it be marvellous if Fidel were still alive then to take the salute?

It looks as if the British will leave the one remaining base that they hold in the city of Basra and retreat to the airport. From there they will be able to do nothing to influence events in the city, short of mounting a full scale assault to recapture it from whichever militia group takes power after they leave.

As a face saver the announcement will be made by the Iraqis, so that the British can claim that they are leaving at the request of the Iraqi government. However, if past performance is any guide, we can expect to see the former base thoroughly looted just as soon as the British army leaves.

Three British soldiers have been killed in Afghanistan by the Americans. It follows on the heels of other such deaths; indeed there is quite a trail of them going all the way back to the First Gulf War in 1991 when the Americans managed to kill nine British troops.

Two factors are acting to stoke British outage at the killings. The first is a fear that the Americans will repeat their performance over the killing of L/Cpl Matty Hull, by refusing to testify at the inquests. The British have a right to know exactly what happened and the only way they will get the answers is if the cockpit voice recorders are released, and if the pilots are questioned under oath.

The second concerns the repeated failure of successive British governments to invest in a modern system to identify friend from foe. One was demanded by a committee of MPs back in 1992, but nothing has emerged, or is likely to for another decade.

It strikes The Exile as if this might be a good issue to pressure the government on - certainly it is likely to be rather more popular than the blog-based demand that over 20,000 Iraqi collaborators be brought to live in Britain while the army continues to fight in Iraq.

However, that is unlikely to happen, because worrying about Iraqi traitors makes the world of wankbloggery feel all nice and warm inside, whereas the deaths of three British lads at the hands of their so-called allies is something to be ignored.

We have discussed plastic surgery quite a bit over the past week. Well, let's do it again, but this time I want you to consider the idea of a plastic surgery vacation. That's right, go on holiday, and get yourself fixed up while you are there.

This is now possible thanks to Dr. Lloyd Krieger and his specialist team over at Rodeo Drive Plastic Surgery. Aside from patients who live in the USA, they have taken people from Germany, Saudi Arabia, New Zealand, Canada and Senegal: so don't you think that it's time that the British took advantage of some of the services that the clinic offers? Remember, this is the home of the famous Beverly Hills tummy tuck, so what are you waiting for?

How do to organise a plastic surgery vacation? Dr. Krieger has done that for you:

Firstly, it would be best if you went over there and spoke directly to one of the surgeons. Sometimes the operation can be scheduled there and then, and if that is what you want, then you had better speak directly to the clinic, so that you can arrange to have any necessary lab work done at home.

Secondly, the clinic will organise your post-operative recuperation. This could mean a night or two at a special centre staffed by nurses, or at a comfortable hotel near to the clinic. Either way, the clinic's staff will organise this for you. The amount of time that you have to spend in post-operative recuperation before you can fly out obviously depends on many factors, but it is usually between five and fourteen days.

Finally, the clinic will act as your holiday advisor and make restaurant bookings, and arrange shopping trips for you. The idea is to speed your recovery by allowing you to enjoy the holiday while leaving all the work to the people at Rodeo Drive Plastic Surgery.

Have you ever wondered what products that are offered on the web actually work? Thanks to trustsource.org now you can find out by reading the reviews of people who have already tried them out.

Products like Provillus, which acts against hair loss by aggressively seeding the scalp to allow for new hair growth. It also gives the scalp the correct nutrition to bring damaged hair follicles back to health. This product has received a five star rating by the people who have used it.

Another range of five star products are those designed to help relieve the unpleasant side effects of the menopause, especially the hot flashes that so many women find intolerable. These products, along with everything else at Trust Source, are tested by the company itself to ensure that they do what they claim. However, members of the public are then invited to give their opinion. As far as this range is concerned, it's five stars all the way.

Finally, let's consider the range of cellulite cream that Trust Source offers. Like all the products these are tested and then reviewed by consumers. Why go into a chemist's shop and try to choose between all the creams that are covering the shelves. How can you make an informed choice when they all offer to do the same thing?

Now, thanks to Trust Source, you can make an informed choice.

If you are from Pay Per Post, then I suppose you are wondering what happened to the load of old shit that was here until a few moments ago? Well, lads, it went the way of the five fucking quid that I was expecting from you. Put another way, you fucked with me and now I am going to fuck with you.

Here's the deal. What I do, work wise, I do for money. My interest in bastard work starts and ends with the money. I do the job, someone pays me, and then that someone can go and fuck himself. It's easy to understand: you pay me, and then you go and fuck yourself. Meanwhile, I will be in the pub, getting the taste of you out of my gob.

Not only have I not been paid for publicising your fucking company, but my posting has not even been reviewed at the time of writing. Sorry, lads, but I don't do free shit for any cunt.

I think that you can take this as my resignation.

2.00am, 4 September 2007

Update:

To all of those who are flooding in from the comment at Harry's Place, click on this link like the good sheeple that you are. My new blog needs the hits. Good lads.

3.30pm, 4 September 2007

Are you looking for the love of your life? If you are, then chanceforlove.com may just be the answer to your prayers. The site is chock full of decent Russian singles who are just waiting to meet you. All the profiles are not only free to members, but come with full contact details. You can either contact the person yourself, or take advantage of their free translation service for your e-mails.

Now, everyone has heard the horror stories about the Russian woman scammers who want to empty your wallet and take you for a ride. Well, chanceforlove.com has heard of them as well, and to make sure that something like that doesn't happen to you, they have a pretty complete anti-scam package. You can enter a woman's name, e-mail and city into their database and find out if she has been involved in any dubious activities with other agencies in the past. This database has over 15,000 names on it, so with luck, you will be able to ensure that the lady that you are in touch with is not a con-artist.

Unlike most Russian brides dating services, Chance for Love interviews all prospective Russian brides who want to sign up. As part of the agreement, and to remain on the books, a woman has to reply to your letter within seven days of having received it; otherwise she is removed from the catalogue. Of course, if she is ill, or in another city, that is a different matter, but you will be notified of that by the company.

Every man who joins Chance for Love is promised an individual service. Online dating news is updated regularly.

This company aims to introduce you to the love of your life, and at the same time, to protect you from the charlatans that only want your money.

Have you ever had to book a hotel room in an unknown city, only to find that the prices were astronomical? Before you travel anywhere again take a look at hotelreservations.com and find yourself a bargain. It's the ideal place not just for hotel reservations, but for reservations at a reasonable price.

This site allows you to choose between hotels and motels, for either a long or short stay. Whatever your needs are, and pretty much wherever they are in the word, they have the contacts that can get you the best deal around.

It's not just about hotel discounts. This site offers you the chance to rent a car that will be waiting for you on the day and time that you choose. You can also book a full package holiday with them. That's right; hotelreservations.com can also arrange your flights as well.

In fact, you can choose between various holiday options, from the full package of flight, hotel and car, along to just hotel and car, if that is what you want or need. The permutations are endless, and the site seems to be aimed at the person who wants a good deal, but doesn't want to have to arrange it when he arrives at his destination after a seriously long haul flight. I think that is is far better to arrange things beforehand, and take advantage of the many discounts that are offered on destinations all over the world.

If you are travelling with a family, and don't want to stay in a hotel, then hotelreservations.com can also offer you a choice of self-catering accommodation in a great many resorts and cities.

So, if you need to book accommodation, rent a car, or buy an airline ticket, hotelreservations.com looks like it should be your first port of call for all three.

I have set up a new blog! Don't worry because The Exile will continue, it's just that I want it to continue as it is, and not take all that many sponsored postings. The new blog is where I hope that most of them will go starting next month.

To make The Money Blog interesting I will use it to chronicle my attempts to, well, make money out of blogging. If you are planning to do the same thing, then please go on over there and have a look at how I try to generate blog income. Maybe you can make some suggestions?

One thing that I won't do is cobble together - or steal - posts from other places. I will just relate what I do to make money and give reports on my success or failure. Given my almost 100% record of failing to make money, I have a weary feeling that anyone who follows in my footsteps had better be prepared not to do as I do.

November of this year will mark the fortieth anniversary of the British withdrawal from Aden. The plan was to withdraw in 1968, but mounting casualties led to the hasty retreat. There were no formal ceremonies as power was handed over because there was nobody around to actually take power. Two rival guerilla groups would sort out the spoils, but since neither of them actually controlled the city outright on that 30th November, all the British could do was leave. The governor walked backwards up the steps of the aeroplane that was taking him home, a pistol in his hand. British ministers who had visited the colony in the years prior to that final scuttle had been under orders to proclaim loudly that they would never abandon Aden, but they did, in the end.

So it is today in Iraq. The British know that they are leaving, and are simply hanging on in their last two outposts, waiting for the final orders. When they come through it will then be a matter of getting the equipment to the docks and onto ships, before the last of the troops fly out.

We shall wait and see if the last civil administrator is able to walk up the steps in the normal way, or whether he has to back up, pistol in hand.

I have moved this post over to The Money Blog. You can find it here.

Is it my imagination or has the campaign to save the harkis fallen on hard times? I ask because this post that has just gone up at the main save our harkis site. It may be my imagination, but the poster seems to be more interested in slagging of Neil Clark than he does in saving harkies. Indeed, there does appear to be a kind of desperation to the posting, as if things are just not working out quite as planned.

Dear oh dear: could it be that the British people do not actually want 20,000 collaborators living it up in the UK while the army continues to bleed in Iraq? Maybe the politicians realise this, and maybe that is why these self-appointed saviours are finding that replies from MPs are few and far between? Well, at least 15 have replied to your pathetic little missives so far, lads, so it's a start. Don't give up hope on the other 600 and odd just yet. Keep dreaming.

For those of you who are less an enamoured by the idea of 20,000 potential security risks being brought over to Britain, some talking points can be found here. Please write to your MP or local newspaper and tell them why you oppose this lunacy.

This is a gem for those of you who have had too much work, too much stress or too much wife: go fishing with the chance to win U.S.$125,000 for your efforts. The fishing tournament comes to you courtesy of bountyfishing.com and unlike the competitions that I can remember from England, you do not have to turn up at a specific time and place to take part.

All you have to do is register at the site and choose your competition. Having registered for that event, you are given a number which you must take with you on your trip.

Then you go fishing! That's right, to your favourite spot, the one that only you know. The place where the giants swim.

Hook your monster and take two photographs of him flat on a ruler, so that his length can be clearly seen. Make sure that your competition number is included in the shot, and remember that these beauties are judged on length and not weight - so hook the long 'uns and not the fatties.

You have to be an American resident to compete, because they want your social security number for the payout, but don't let that put you off. Wherever you live in the world you can still join this free site and take part in their fishing forums. That way you join a world wide community of fellow anglers. You can chat about fishing, or ask whatever question you want about both the salt and freshwater sport. They even have a team of professional anglers on hand just for those tricky questions that nobody else can answer.

Are you a fan of chat rooms? If so then you will love WireClub.com because they seem to have everything that you need to chat the night away. You can join any one of literally hundreds of free chat rooms, chat to your friends, and make lots of new ones.

The site is organised around its clubs, with each one related to an interest. You can join any club that you want or jump in and create one of your own. You don't have to join a club if you don't want to - you can just go to a chat room and start nattering - but the clubs do seem an easy and effective way to meet people who share your interests. As the site has over 30,000 clubs, finding one for you should not be difficult.

If you have a romantic streak, then this might just be the site for you. They offer a free dating service as part of their free package.

Finally, had you ever thought about starting a blog? WireClub.com gives you a free template and web space to do just that.

So, go along and chat in one of the rooms, join a club of like minded people, hunt for the love of your life, and then blog about everything - all under one electronic roof!

Senior policy makers in Washington are now convinced that an attack on Iran will happen within the next six months, according to a report in Time Magazine.

What makes this report credible is the claim that the neo-conservatives who surround Bush have convinced themselves that such an attack would lead to the collapse of the regime in Tehran. All other outcomes, such as a strengthening of support for the regime in the face of a foreign attack, are being discounted.

Why does information like this give the report added credibility? Mainly because that is what happened in the run up to the war against Iraq. The reader needs to remember that there wasn't actually going to be a war, rather a cakewalk into Baghdad, followed by the establishment of a suitably pro-American puppet regime. The thought that the Iraqis might actually never stop fighting, and make a seamless transition from a conventional to a guerrillas defence, never entered their little minds.

The war of words between Britain and the USA seems to be heating up. As reported earlier this month, the Americans are now blaming the British for having lost Basra. The aim, obviously, is to shame the British into remaining in Iraq and continuing to die. Thankfully, the wheeze seems to have backfired, with the British pointing out that over 90% of the attacks in Basra are aimed at them. In other words it is not about Britain holding the ring between warring factions, rather it is about all those factions uniting behind a single desire which is to end the occupation of southern Iraq.

The army for its part has now told the government that "nothing more" can be done in Iraq, and the view of the General Staff is that the army should be withdrawn as quickly as possible.

The problem is that the aim seems to be to keep the Americans sweet by boosting troop numbers in Afghanistan to almost 8,000 by the end of the year. The problem here is that the government is concealing the heavy casualties that British troops are suffering in that country. Over 700 have been wounded since April, and that figure can be expected to climb when the new fighting season opens in the spring of next year.

To make matters worse for the warmongers, the British are winning all the tactical victories on the ground, but are losing the war strategically. The Afghans have the numbers and have proved themselves more than adept at fighting off foreign invaders over the past few centuries.

They are receiving help from all over the Muslim world. Reports are coming in of Chechens, Pakistanis and even men from Birmingham, England, streaming over the border from Pakistan to join the fight. British officers may talk about a 38 year conflict, just like the one in Northern Ireland, but whether Britain's economy or political will could stand that strain is open to question.

The warmongers will claim that this is proof that the war is winnable, because Afghanistan is like a flypaper, they will say, and attracts Jihadists from all over the world. The problem with this argument is that there is no evidence that they will stay permanently in that benighted country. The survivors could return home to start further conflicts, and open new fronts on other countries. Furthermore, all they are doing is helping the Afghans - they have not taken over the war from them. Put another way, the foreign fighters may have shortened the war against imperialism in Afghanistan, but there is no evidence to suggest that it would be lost if they all went home tomorrow.

It looks as if America's ever loyal poodle is about to skip out of the frying pan and straight into the fire.

As the American economy weakens, and as the country's army gets more bogged down in Iraq, many countries are taking the opportunity to create new trading arrangements that will bypass the Americans and their globalised system completely. Venezuela and Belarus are the latest to sign bilateral agreements that involve barter trade and which ignore the dollar. As Neal Clark says, we are "witnessing the formation of an alternative power bloc," one which began with Venezuela and Cuba, grew to involve Bolivia and now has roped in Belarus.

The response of many toy-town leftists to these moves is to sneer from the sidelines. If everything is not as Leon Trotsky predicted it, prior to this death almost 70 years ago, then they are not interested.

Actually what they are not interested in is helping to destroy globalised capitalism. This is the bastard offshoot of the old capitalism that we grew up with and it is the number one enemy for the new century. If it can be destroyed, then the underlying capitalist system that all socialists want to smash will have suffered a serious reversal.

The destruction of globalisation is not the end of the war, in other words, but it could mark the end of the beginning. Besides, we need a victory after all these years of defeat. So the crushing of imperialism in Iraq is one step down the road, support for alternative economic arrangements between sovereign states is another.

Let's keep our eyes on the prize, folks. If we are serious about smashing capitalism, then ending globalisation is as good a place as any to start.

Do you fancy losing some weight? Myfitnesspal.com is a free website that will help you do it.

They offer you a free calorie counter, so that you can check your calories in food intake. The counter is easy to use, and will help you to understand the nutritional value of what you are eating. You can also use their free calorie chart as well, so that you can work out how many calories you have burned off from an exhaustive list of activities that range from aerobics to white water rafting - with almost every other activity in between.

Remember that this site is 100% free, so you have no excuse not to fight the flab.

Rodeo Drive Plastic Surgery is the home of the famous Los Angeles tummy tuck, as perfected by Dr. Lloyd M. Krieger, the clinic's founder and chief surgeon. Dr. Krieger is an Assistant Clinical Professor at UCLA, and has researched extensively into how to make plastic surgery a more rewarding experience for the patient.

After pregnancy or as a result of ageing, a lot of people, both men and women, find themselves with too much fat or loose skin around the stomach. Abdominoplasty, or tummy tuck surgery can correct this and leave you with a nice, new and very smooth shape.

It is possible that your shape can be returned to its former glory via a mini tummy tuck. This procedure works to smooth out that part of the stomach just below the belly button, but it does not deal with the whole abdomen, in the way that a full tummy tuck does. However, the scars are shorter, and recovery time much quicker.

Remember that this clinic also specialises in breast augmentation surgery as well. Their Los Angeles breast implants will improve your appearance, boost your confidence and make you feel like a new woman.

In this procedure, a simple implant is inserted either underneath the breast tissue, or under the chest muscles. It really all depends on the size of your actual breast, the amount of breast tissue that you have and the overall shape of your body.

The incision will be done discretely, either just under your nipple, under your breast, or just under your arm. Most of the breast augmentation procedures that are performed at the Rodeo Drive Plastic Surgery Clinic use the "silent scar" technique and that will help hide the scar.

Whatever procedure you need will be performed in the elegant surroundings that only Rodeo Drive Plastic Surgery can provide.

I've found a site that has the words to Red Fly The Banners - O, that great anthem guaranteed to annoy Trots and Tories everywhere. This version is slightly different because it has "four for the Communist thinkers," instead of "the great philosophers," which is the version that we used to rant out whenever polytechnic students were around in one of our swill shops. The great philosophers, of course, were Marx, Engels, Lenin and Stalin.

The final verse we used to roar out with great gusto was number thirteen: "the holes in Trotsky's head," but here we have a fourteenth verse: "the IQ of the average Trot".

All good stuff, and as so many Trots have now moved over into Nu-Labourism, it is right and proper that we remember the old songs and the old philosophy that underpinned them.

Readers may note two changes to the blog. The first is that I have installed a language translator. That's it, over there on the right. This is for the benefit of one person in particular who is constantly complaining that it takes her forever to read the postings. It would be cruel to mention her name, but since I am not just seriously cruel, but wicked to boot, I'll tell you that her name is Beatriz.

Beatriz, dear, just click on the Spanish flag. Yes dear, the Spanish one. Yes, I know that you are Mexican, but they speak Spanish in Spain, dear. Good girl!

The second change is that we are now accepting payments for postings. They will be clearly marked at the bottom as adverts, unless I get offered more money not to mark them thus. Sorry, folks, but I need the brass.

What's the implement? I have been asking the question all week and no bugger got it. People, it's the ice-pick that was used to twat Leon Trotsky back in 1940. It is now the property of the investigating agent's daughter and is kept in her house in Mexico City.

Leon Trotsky's house is now a museum and supposedly it is preserved exactly as it was when he died. Actually if you compare my 1988 photographs of the desk that he was sitting at when the dastardly deed was done with one that I took this year, you can see that this may not be the case. Still, the museum makes a good day out, at least if you happen to be in Mexico City.

Trotsky's grave is in the garden, and the story is told that every 20th August members of the local Communist Party would meet up in a local cantina. Each would get a good bladder full of beer and then they climbed the wall and formed a semi-circle around the grave. Each comrade than had a nice, long piss.

Even today, many streets and blocks of flats are named after Marx, Engels, Lenin and Stalin, but I have never seen anything that carries the name of Trotsky. Say what you like about Mexicans, they don't support losers.

Historical footnote: Ramon Mercader del Rio, the man who put an end to Trotsky and his nonsense, served 20 years in a Mexican prison and was released in 1960. After spending a brief period of time in the USSR he moved to Cuba where he remained for the rest of his life. He died in 1978 and was buried with full state honours.

I post images of Mexico City every Saturday. I also have a web site devoted to the city - please click on this link to visit.

What I know about plastic surgery is nil, but the people at Rodeo Drive Tummy Tuck seem to know rather a lot.

The clinic's founder, and chief plastic surgeon, is a Dr. Lloyd Krieger. The aim of his clinic is to get away from the "institutional" practices that people are subjected to in other institutions. He believes that you, the patient, should be treated as an informed individual, so although the clinic offers state of the art techniques, your wishes are always respected and your needs taken into account first and foremost.

Dr. Krieger's speciality is abdominoplasty, or to give it the more usual name, the tummy tuck, a procedure often called for after pregnancy or as a result of ageing. Basically the skin is tightened, excess fat is removed and the muscles underneath are tightened up. Combined with liposuction, if needed, the aim is to give you a perfect body shape.

Post-operative discomfort is kept to a minimum, thanks to the local anaesthetics that are used. Don't worry, though, as you will be fast asleep during the procedure, as the locals are just to reduce any pain afterwards. You should be able to resume your normal activities about two weeks after the surgery, which sounds fair enough.

The clinic also offers breast augmentation surgery, and here the aim is to improve both your appearance and self-confidence. Really, I think that you should give these people a ring and discuss your needs.

Given that most people who read this blog live in the UK, you might also want to remember that the USA is seriously cheap for British visitors at the moment, thanks to a dollar that is rapidly becoming an international joke. Why not take the family over to the luxurious surroundings of Beverly Hills, let your husband and children enjoy themselves in sunny California, while you get yourself back into shape?

Gentleman, remember that a man is only as old as the woman he feels, so why not give your wife this present? I suspect that you will enjoy the results!